A while ago I wrote about all the habits that people do that are really detrimental to growth (check it out here). These are the foundational habits that you need to change in order to address the real reasons you’re unhappy.
These are the deeper things we do that rob us of happiness. And often, we don’t even realize we’re doing these.
Yeah, who’s not guilty of this?
Be honest with yourself: you’ve judged everything and everyone you’ve ever met. Including yourself.
These are all simply your ego’s projections onto these things in order to make it feel separate and special.
But all judgments come back to bite you in the butt.
Take this example: you see someone who’s rich and judge wealth negatively. “Oh, he just got lucky, wealth doesn’t bring happiness, being rich isn’t necessary…”
Now you have just partaken in your own demise: you can now never become rich because that would be HYPOCRITICAL of you.
Another simple example: you judge someone as fat. Well, great, now you have NO CHOICE but to work out and eat right because now you fear becoming that which you judged.
Of course, I say “you” judge, but really it’s your mind putting labels on everything. You actually have very little control over it.
- Beating yourself up
Again, everyone has done this at some point. But simply no good comes from it.
Has beating yourself up ever helped a situation? No.
The better option is to accept whatever happened as what happened. Better yet, accept it as what happened because it couldn’t have been any other way.
Acceptance has a magical power when you start to tap into it. Life flows so much more easily.
If you make a mistake, don’t worry about it! Laugh at it! See the funny in life! Even the most advanced spiritual masters mess up sometimes.
The good news is, as your consciousness grows, you will blame yourself and others less and less, and start becoming more and more accepting.
“Shoulding” is any time you tell yourself “should” in your mind.
“She shouldn’t have left me.” “I should be better at this.” “I shouldn’t be doing this.” “He shouldn’t have said that.” Even “he shouldn’t have been elected.” 😉
Should statements are simply your mind resisting reality.
And we all know, when we resist reality, what do we get? Suffering.
That’s right, Trump getting elected isn’t causing your suffering, YOUR RESISTANCE TO IT is.
So become more conscious of these should statements. They can come in many forms, not just should: “I would have been better in that part…” All part of the same story.
One of the best antidotes to should statements are questions:
- Do I know for certain that I shouldn’t be doing this / that I should be more advanced…?
- How do I know this isn’t the best thing that has happened to me?
- How do I know this isn’t exactly how it’s supposed to be?
- Can I find any evidence to back up this statement in reality?
Once you start to intellectually challenge should statements, you have to start to FEEL that they are untrue in order for them to start to permanently evaporate. This is a bit more subtle and something I haven’t mastered yet.
The problem with all these neuroses is that they’re very subtle. We’re not aware we’re doing them when in fact we are.
This is where meditation becomes so critical. You get more perspective and awareness on your thoughts, and are able to jump in and question them.
Question all of these neuroses: “Is this judgment absolutely true?” “Do I know that I wasn’t supposed to do that?” “How do I know this error won’t turn into a success?” “Apart from my opinion, can I find any proof to this thought?”
Finally, try to FEEL that these thoughts are untrue. This is ultimately what will keep them from recurrently coming up.
Remember, this is a process, a long one. Don’t expect to be rid of these neuroses overnight.
Another tip: start becoming interested in Truth with a capital T. The Absolute Truth. This will also transform your mind because you won’t be so distracted with petty judgments and such.
So jump in. Trust me, this stuff will transform your life.